Sunday, August 17, 2008

Bigfoot, we need you now more than ever before. You're a model citizen with regard to sustainability -- a large biped living in families in the woods for perhaps hundreds or thousands of years without encroaching on anyone or exhausting your resources. As far as we know, you are non-violent and keep to yourself, preferring not to interact with humans (from this I conclude that you are intelligent). Although you have much to teach us, we prefer to keep your corpse locked in a freezer chest atop a bed of frozen cheese sticks and pizza pockets while participating in e-mail flame wars with the internet cryptozoology community rather than deliver you in dignity to the Smithsonian or the American Museum of Natural History. In a society where folks champion human rights and social justice in the name of a fictional character (for example, the Harry Potter Alliance), we should probably erect a monument to Bigfoot or even create a new environmental movement in his/her name -- a movement to combat global warming one step at a time, to stamp out injustice, to run roughshod (or would that be unshod?) over the despoilers of this time to lose...must register domain name and print up t-shirts...more details soon!